What are the chances that someone that went to Syosset High School, and for some reason wants a new copy of the 1983 yearbook is going to see this auction? Well, I would say pretty small. Why so small? That is easy. First of all their are two types of people in high school, those who will keep their year books and those who won't. If you are one of those who won't, then you don't want to buy one now. If you are one of those people who will, then you already have one and don't need another. But hey, the proceeds go to charity… so that makes it worth buying!

There is a sob story in there about how they are down on their luck and really need some financial help… but we all know that you don't care about compassion or true need. Who worries about meaningful crap like that… all we care about is how much pain our money is going to cause, right?

There is only one thing that Dunce hates more than foam fingers, and that is foam fingers that are used to make crude sexual inuendos. So really, this foam finger really just made my day. The seller here seems to hope that his crude allusions to "fingering" and "pocket rockets" and "18 inches of fun" will inspire some would be hornballs to toss some money his way. Think it will work?

I will take you through some of the strange bull crap told in this auction. For one thing he claims that an he woke up one night to find lights coming from his arm. Great start there, I admit. Then he goes on to say that he left it there for a year! If you had lights coming out of your arm at night , would you leave it there? NO, you would not. You would have it removed… which brings me to my next point.

He said that finally after a year he decided that he had enough of this alien implant. So he goes into the bathroom with a razor blade and some pliers. He cuts a 4″ slice in his arm, and see this metal thing in there, which he removes with the pliers. At this point you are saying to yourself, "That guy is a bad ass." But you would be wrong, because then he goes to the ER to have his cut stitched up. Why is he bad ass enough to put a 4″ incision in his arm, but then he decides to go to the emergency room? I don't buy it.

Oh yeah, then there is the obvious falsity of his implant. It is quite clearly a small capacitor that he but the leads off of. He does nothing to disguise it further… let this be a lesson to all you would be weird auctioneers: Spend some time to do it right, if you are going to do it at all!